How To Be Single And Happy - Science - Based Strategies for keeping Your Sanity While Looking For a Soul Mate

 

CONTENTS

Advance Praise for How to Be Single and Happy

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Introduction: Lonely, Loony, and Me

Part 1: The Misery Formula: Why Looking for “Mr. (or Ms.) Right” Is Making You Feel So Wrong

Chapter 1: Happiness and the Husband Treadmill

Chapter 2: Ruminating Will Ruin Your Life, If It Hasn’t Already

Chapter 3: Regretting the Rock Star

Chapter 4: Settling, Suppressing, and Other Avoidance Moves

Part 2: The Sane Solution: Living Freely in the Times of Tinder, Ghosting, and Exes on Instagram

Chapter 5: What Do You Want? Whatever It Is, Cupid

Doesn’t Have to Say Okay

Chapter 6: Happily Ever Now

Chapter 7: Give More to Feel More

Chapter 8: Detox Your Mind

Chapter 9: Watch Your Mood

Chapter 10: Say Goodbye to Feeling Lonely

Conclusion: Single, and Serene About It

References

Acknowledgments 

INTRODUCTION

Lonely, Loony, and Me

I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being. —HAFIZ

DON’T YOU KNOW about the ‘singles crisis’? There literally aren’t enough eligible men for women,”

Rachel* explained, reaching for a tissue as she sat on my therapy couch, in a trendy hat. Ironically, given her single status, and her articulated negative feelings about it, she worked in the wedding planning industry. “I’m thirty-four and the only person in my group of friends who is still single,” she continued, tears welling up. “And now my hair is falling out because of a hormone thing.”(Her hair looked lovely to me, falling nicely around her face from under her beanie.) “Obviously, stress isn’t helping. But now it’s definite—I’ll never meet someone.And, if I do, I’ll just be settling. The good ones are all gone.”

She was sure she was a hopeless case, as she made perfectly clear in our first meeting. “I never thought I’d be in this situation. Stupid antidepressants won’t fix my life and I’m not really sure what you can do for me,” she concluded, in soft, funereal tones.Clearly, my new client was in mourning.

What happens when you worry continuously about ending up alone, the way Rachel does? The answer is that you actually lose your mind—or rather, your ability to think clearly. One of my favorite social psychologists,Roy Baumeister, has studied the effects of what he calls “ anticipated aloneness,” or imagining what it would be like to end up alone in life, and the experience of feelingr ejected. As the author of more than five hundred....... 

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